Official Statement of Apology

Dear Waverly,
The law offices of Julie Jo Fuller Fischbeck wish to issue a formal apology on behalf of our client "mommy", for physical interaction unjustly deserved. In the short time that our client was away from you on her 5 day trip to New York, "mommy" had no idea the swiftness and speediness that your little legs had acquired in the artful skill of crawling. Our client had no idea that by leaving you in the t.v. room for five minutes while she jumped through a much needed shower, that your life could be in mortal danger. Our client was completely unaware of the skill in which you were able to maneuver across the tile, around the corner into the master bedroom, over the unfolded treadmill that happened to block the entrance into the master bathroom, and right up to the shower door. Said "mommy" insists that she even listened when she turned the water off to see if you were squawking about anything, and claims all was quiet on the western front--or for our intents and purposes , what is known as the t.v. room. Our client still remembers in horror the moment she opened the shower door right into your little forehead while dumping water on your upturned face in the process. Please believe, from the bottom of our hearts, that we are so sorry and do hope that this conflict can be resolved as quickly and cleanly as possible. There is no reason that this issue need be brought before the "Court" and we want you to know that our offices are willing and able to accommodate you with any demands--whether they be monetary, nutritional, or even affectionate in nature. Please be assured that our client is more than willing to just sit and hold and cuddle for the rest of the day, if that will make you feel any better.
Again we are deeply sorry for any short or long term issues (either mental or physical) that our client's behaviour may or may not have elicited.
Thank you for your time.